Title: Oh admiration in falling asleep
Fandom: Marvel (X-Factor)
Pairing: Rictor/Shatterstar
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Shatterstar has never done this before.

Shatterstar is, he is new at this. Julio is looking up at him like he expects something, but there is something caught in his throat and his hands and feet feel much too big and his face is burning and he certainly cannot communicate what it is he wishes to say.

Which is.

Which is that Julio makes him feel different and strange, that Julio is beautiful, that he wishes to hold him in his arms and something else which makes him flush with embarrassment when he thinks about it. It is that he will follow Julio anywhere, and they will fight their battles side by side, and they will lie together in the nights for warmth and for company. It is that Julio’s hands are hot when they touch and they make him shiver, and he wants to make Julio shiver and see the earth tremble with him.

He thinks of bonding, and of exchanging swords, and how Julio fights barehanded and he cannot afford to lose a blade.

It is much too soon for bonding. He should be thinking of paints and of trophies, cooking his meals and sewing his garments when they are torn.

He should be thinking of flowers and candy, of movies and dinner and holding hands on the ice rink. This is not Mojoworld anymore.

His heart is pounding faster than it ever did in the arena. Julio does this to him. He is looking up at him with soft brown eyes, and it cuts him more deeply than he thought he could be cut.

He does not feel like a warrior. He does not know how he feels. Graceless and inelegant, and his mouth is dry and he clutches his swords for comfort. He does not want to fight. He does not want to train. He does not want anything except for Julio. No one was meant to feel this way.

“Julio,” he says, and it is little more than a whisper, strangled by emotions he can’t quite place. “Julio, I—”

“Whoa, take it easy, man,” Julio laughs, but it is not mocking, and then his eyes go soft. “Star,” he murmurs, and rests a hand on his arm.

His hand is even warmer than it usually is, and Shatterstar’s breath quickens. It sends something coursing through his entire body, and he feels lighter and more electric. His arms and legs feel useless. There is something in his chest that he has never felt before.

“Tell me you want this,” says Julio, and Star does not know what to say so he takes Julio’s hand and he holds it, and he looks him very seriously in the eye.

“Are you going to kiss me?” he asks.

“Way to ruin the moment, bro,” Julio laughs. And then, more quietly, “That okay?”

Shatterstar nods dumbly, and Julio reaches up, and so he leans down, and he cups Julio’s face in his hands, and Julio wraps his arms around his neck, and then they are kissing and.

It is glorious and he whines in the back of his throat and it is so warm and Julio is warm and they are so close and kissing, and his lips are soft and it is so good it almost hurts and he is gasping and grinding his hips down and Julio breaks the kiss just to look at him for a second.

“Whoa,” he says and there is a look of wonder in his eyes. “Didn’t know you wanted it this much.”

“Am I not supposed to?” says Shatterstar. He feels himself flushing.

“No, no,” says Julio, laughing. “Movin’ a little fast, but it’s okay.”

On television, people would kiss and sometimes that was it and sometimes they would show them later, in bed. On Mojoworld, he saw his tent-mates throw each other on the ground and kiss like it was a battle, and within minutes they would be shivering to completion in each other’s arms.

“Is that bad?” he asks.

“Nah,” says Julio. “It’s just, I dunno, different.”

“Should I be more slow?” asks Shatterstar. This is not something that he knows how to do.

“You’re good,” he laughs, and he is so close that Shatterstar can feel it puff against his face, and it is almost as good as the moment right before their lips touch but not as good as Julio licking at his mouth and he slides one hand back to fist in Julio’s hair and he arches a little so he does it again and they stumble back towards the couch and then Julio ends up in his lap and he has never felt like he was on fire and he never thought he would even want to try and they are so close and he can feel his heartbeat through their thin t-shirts and it is like nothing he knows and everything he wants to learn.

He learns that his name on Julio’s lips is as heady as a roar of applause, that the curve of Julio’s neck tastes as sweet as his first taste of fruit from outside the arena, sticky-sweet and so good he sank to his knees just from the smell of it. And his hands, which are soft and they shake gently as they skitter up and down his body. When he sleeps, curled around Julio, it is sounder and more deeply than he has ever slept before, in his tent after a battle or in his bedroom on Earth. Julio clings to him, in his sleep, and snuffles into his chest and it is perfect, and his life before is nothing so much as incomparable.